Offended

Have you ever stopped to consider exactly what it means to be "offended"? This word seems to pop up in the news just about every other day. Someone has said something on television, radio, or other media that has offended a person or group of people. And in response, we all rally together to condemn the Evil Offender, because he or she has hurt people for no good reason. But what exactly is the wound of offense? Does it cause bodily harm? Does it cause psychological distress? Does it cause pain and swelling of hemorrhoidal tissues? Where exactly does the damage occur?

The most recent, highly publicized incident of offense was when Don Imus referred to the Rutgers Womens Basketball Team as "nappy-headed hos". I don't need to recount the backlash that occured, since it turned into one of the biggest news stories of the year. One comment that struck me was this:

"It's important that we stand with the women of Rutgers who are deeply hurt by the highly insensitive comments of Don Imus," said Marc Morial, CEO of the National Urban League.

Deeply hurt? In principle, you can't be hurt by words. You can feel badly because of your reaction to the words, but the words themselves can cause no damage without your active participation. Now I will concede, we're only human, and we react to verbal attacks and personal insults almost instinctively. But, can we really feel the same emotional distress from hearing second or third-hand about what some stranger said in a time and place where we couldn't possibly have been affected by it? Is that maybe carrying it a little too far? How do we get to this level of displaced outrage?

The foundation is in the phenomenon of personal, individual entitlement. According to our social structure as a Nation, we have certain natural ("unalienable") rights. These rights are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, or "life, liberty, and property" if you're recognize the influence of John Locke on the Founding Fathers. Either way, it's pretty basic. You have the right to live, you have the right to freedom, and you have the right to make a living. But over the years, Americans have assumed scores of additional "natural rights" that have never been officially documented or endorsed by our system of government. One of the most prominent seems to be, "The right to not have to hear anything we find distasteful". I assume this has become an American right because Don Imus was fired from his job and persecuted by the media for his words. And tragically, millions go unpunished every single day for uttering insults, slurs, and all manner of profanity directly into the ears of law-abiding Americans. I myself have told a cab driver to go and engage in sexual intercourse without means of a partner this very afternoon. And yet I roam free as a fugitive from justice.

Where do these new rights come from? They come from the very same conglomerate of media sources which now enforce the punishments for violating them. I recall at a very young age being informed by Saturday morning television that, "The most important person in the whole wide world...is you!" I've been assured by countless television and radio commercials that I DESERVE the very best. For most of my life, my country has celebrated my unique individuality, and encouraged me aggressively to nurture and cultivate it as a beautiful flower in a desert of mediocrity. And I have risen to the challenge. I groom my beautiful self every morning with floral soap, skin-softening shaving cream, triple-blade razors, coconut scented shampoo, fun and sassy hair products, sweet deodorant, minty fresh toothpaste applied with a specially designed toothbrushing implement. So when I leave the house, the world can see that I am a success. I have no human odor or imperfections. Then I grab my razor-thin cell phone, get into my sexy-ass car and turn on my 50,000-song portable media device. It goes on and on.

Pretty soon I start feeling like all that matters is my own personal gratification. And as a highly adaptable and resilient survivor of the animal kingdom, I create methods for achieving my needs. The best way to make sure I get what I want is to change them from wants to rights. My "pursuit of happiness" becomes a mission for total and constant gratification. And now I start feeling like the smartest monkey in the cage, because I've figured out how to get what I want. The ego grows, the pride swells, and now I have the natural God-given unalienable right not to be distracted or disturbed. Now, when I hear a joke that I simply find no humor in, instead of simply not laughing, I must have the joke teller punished for upsetting the balance of my personal air. I have become offended.

Please stop the world and tend to my needs. I have been mortally wounded by cruel insensitivity projected at me in the form of sound vibrations that contain references I would prefer not to hear. Please retrieve for me, a reputable physician, at once. And bring me the head of Don Imus on a steel lance so that I may post it as a warning to all others.

Little Bill: "Mister, you just shot an unarmed man!"

William Munny: "Well he shoulda armed himself if he was going to mutter thoughtless, insensitive comments, that I heard about from some people in another town, a couple of weeks ago, about my friend."